My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
