wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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