Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
