the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
love makes seman taste better
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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