Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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