JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
