I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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