Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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