I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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