yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
