do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
