I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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