he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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