dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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