i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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