Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Liz is crying about burritos again.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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