Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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