At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he fucked my hip out of place.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
