Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize