Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
