Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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