What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize