okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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