I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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