Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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