Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Sry I called you an 8
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
