So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
