you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
