Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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