my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
