Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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