hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
