He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
