Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
