Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I heard we made out
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
