Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
