I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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