omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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