she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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