just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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