yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
