I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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