He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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