I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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