Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
