Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
