then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
