but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
