I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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