Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
