just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
