it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
