you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
