He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
