When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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