she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
