I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
