This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
