Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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