saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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