omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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