he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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