she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
