From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize