How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
