Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
