Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
