$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Man, jail baloney is awful.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
